Letters for him - Physical Need

 Dear husband,

I still think about you every day. Is it normal for a wife to think about her better half on a daily basis? Should I even be writing down these feelings? Will it harm our already-long distant-yet-sweet-relationship? Will the evil eye hunt us down and create differences among us? I really don’t feel that way now. I think we have gone through much ordeal to protect us from the wrath of malicious beings. What more harm can it bring upon us?

Will the miles spread far between us? Will this feeling of longing won’t linger much? Will we accustom to live separately without each other with much ease? Will your I-love-you’s won’t have the same effect on me? Will the I-miss-yous’ won’t bring tears in my eyes? Will I stop craving the touch of yours? Will my calling you ‘babe’ won’t send butterflies in your stomach? Would I forget the veins of your arms and how safe I felt when you wrapped them around me? Will you stop calling me by nick name and instead with my full name? Will I stop giggling like a girl when you would crack silly jokes? Will you stall to open my messages when seeing my name on your phone screen? Won’t I be eager to listen to an audio text from you anymore?

And so I think about all the good days that I wasted by not kissing you more feverishly, even, after being in a fight. I ponder on those days worthy of hugging you that had been unused and lost in the past. I contemplate those well-intentioned moments where you wanted to have more but I just didn’t feel that way. How could I not feel that way when you were right there in front of me? How could I think I had more pressing matters and squandered all your attempts? Why didn’t I think about the unseen days when you would no longer be with me? How did I not utilize the time to devour your chiseled build and place my head on your chest for a little longer? How did I not savor the feeling of your lips touching mine and linger upon it a lil more so I could memorize the right amount of sweetness it had? How did I not relish the feel of your weight onto mine and held you a little strongly and dug my nails a little deeper? Why did it never occur to me I would miss this feeling the most? 

Why was it such a taboo to discuss this openly back then? Why is it still an off-limit topic that we precariously tiptoe around it? Why can’t I just say it all loud and clear that I need you physically more than emotionally? Why can’t I confess that I think about you all day long and contrive about our intimacy more often than intended to? Is it usual for a spouse to daydream like that even after having kids? Should I even be penning down these feelings? What good will it do if I state that you've been on my mind a lot lately? It’s been too long honestly.

Still finding my way back to you,

Your wife.